www.yousoulmatesuccess.com

Welcome to Your Soulmate Success

7 Steps to Attracting Your Soulmate

We have put this website together to guide you through the process that we used to attract our soulmate and continue to grow our love to amazing new levels.  We’ve included all the steps, resources, hints and tips that we discovered along the way.  And the skills and tools we learnt as Relationship Coaching Institute Coaches.

There are seven basic steps to attracting your soulmate and they are:

Step 1 – Discover your limiting beliefs about yourself, dating, and relationships.

Step 2 – Know what your vision, values and life purpose are.

Step 3 – Learn from your past, review your past relationships.

Step 4 – Know your requirements, needs and wants.

Step 5 – Discover and develop your relationship core competencies.

Step 6 – Create a relationship plan, including how and where to find your soulmate.

Step 7 – Be supportable and create a community.

This is us on our wedding day – a very special day!

Step 1 – Discover your limiting beliefs about yourself, dating, and relationships.

The term limiting belief is used for a belief that holds you back in any area of your life and places limitations on your ability to take action and achieve your goals. Call them gremlins, inner critic, negative thoughts, mindsets, excuses, self talk, psychological blocks, obstacles — it’s all about the programming you have in your subconscious mind.

These subconscious limiting beliefs are usually tied to self-image, or your perceptions about how you relate to the world. They are self-destructive, cause stress, and keep you from achieving what you want. Some examples of limiting beliefs are:

• That one has specific capabilities, roles, or traits which cannot be escaped or changed.
• That one cannot succeed, so there is no point trying.
• That a particular opinion is right; therefore, there is no point considering other viewpoints or options.
• That a particular action or result is the only way to resolve a problem.

The origin of most of our limiting beliefs (especially beliefs about low self esteem and feelings of unworthiness) stem from incidents that occurred in childhood, and as such, our perspective around that belief is often experienced from a child’s viewpoint. This is significant to note and explains why we react to “triggers” in such an emotional and often childish way.

For example a woman may feel she is not attractive and not worthy of being loved because her mother told her repeatedly that she wasn’t pretty and that no man would want to marry her. This belief formed as fact in the woman’s subconscious mind and no matter how much she may consciously want to be in a wonderful relationship, she will subconsciously sabotage any relationship that shows promise. Why? Because subconsciously she believes she isn’t worthy of being loved and doesn’t know how to exist in that paradigm. It feels more comfortable and seems safer to stay in the old and familiar belief system – it’s a place she knows well. This all happens on a subconscious level and she is not even aware of it.

Here are some examples of limiting beliefs:

• I’m not good enough.
• I’m too unattractive.
• I’m not successful enough.
• All the good ones are taken.
• I must be realistic in my expectations and settle for less than what I want.
• I will be rejected if I ask for what I want, or say not.
• I will be hurt if I trust.

You can see how these can dramatically affect your ability to attract your soulmate.  Remember whatever you focus on or believe you seek out and attract.

Process for Retraining the Subconscious Mind

Step 1: Be Clear About What You Really Want. Be Specific!

Step 2: Consistently Be Aware of and Root Out Limiting Beliefs

Step 3: Reprogram the Subconscious Mind

For step-by-step guidance on how to reprogram the subconscious mind click here.

 

Step 2 – Know what your vision, values and life purpose are.

Life Purpose and Life Vision are very closely related; your purpose is the big picture mission or reason why you are here; your vision is the daily expression of living your life in congruence with your purpose. Your purpose could be entitled Why Am I Here? while your vision could be How Will I Live in Congruence with My Purpose?

Envision setting out on a trip from Melbourne to Sydney. Imagine seeing your route from a 30,000 foot level where you only see an outline of Australia with a red line indicating the route from Melbourne to Sydney.  This is the top level map (purpose) of your destination and route – not a lot of detail, but a clear path across the country from where you are to where you want to go.

In order to see the specific route you need to take you require a more detailed version of the map (your vision), which is like a GPS (Global Positioning System) that indicates the actual roads you need to travel to get to Sydney.

Your purpose is your overall destination and your vision is the journey you take to get there.  Once both are clear, you will have no problem reaching your destination – quickly and easily.

Now imagine you don’t have a destination but set out on a road trip anyway. You would spend your time (and life) wandering aimlessly across the country, never knowing where you are going. The frustrations would be countless and the journey very disappointing. It would be like referring to a map of France as you make decisions about where to make your next turn!  Not only would you become very confused, but you would certainly have lost all possibility of reaching your desired destination. That's because your destination (purpose) does not match the detailed map (vision) you have chosen to get you there.

Yet how many people live their lives like that? Trying to get somewhere that will make them happy and fulfilled only to discover they're following a map created by their parents, their boss, their religion, society, etc.

By becoming clear about YOUR Life Purpose and Life Vision you come to understand the meaning of your life and your unique role in the world. Taking the time to envision why you are here and how you want to live your life will help you to select or create the right map that will guide you to your own unique future.

You already have a Life Purpose and a Life Vision, but like an iceberg, most of your purpose and vision lie below the surface waiting to be discovered. Your purpose and vision are powerful parts of you that drive your energy, thoughts, feelings, wants, needs, and choices.

You do not choose them; you discover them, and you do not have control over them. Your purpose and vision are inseparable aspects of who you are and serve as your inner guidance system, driving you toward certain choices and away from other choices.

Don’t you think it’s time you figured it out?

What are your values?  We all have values that are aligned with our life purpose, whether we are aware of exactly what they are or not. When we live our life aligned with our values, we fulfil one of our highest needs: for our life to have meaning. When we are not living in alignment with our values, we eventually become bored, numb, or depressed. To experience relationship fulfilment and to make a good choice of a life partner, we must choose to be in alignment with our values and life purpose.

So, why are you here? How will you live in congruence with your purpose?  What are your top 5 values?

Step 3 – Learn from your past, review your past relationships.

When screening and testing for a partner, you need to evaluate whether she/he:

• shares the same life goals, vision and values
• has compatible relationship criteria (requirements, needs)
• has the personality traits that can support you and your ideal relationship
• has the core relationship competencies needed to build and nurture the relationship.

If not, are they willing to learn the skills needed?

The overwhelming majority of people have had very little training in interpersonal skills.

Typically, we learn such skills through trial and error from our earliest relationships and through thousands of hours of role-modelling from parents, caretakers, family members, and friends. In this fashion, we learn ways of dealing with conflicts, handling differences, expressing emotions, developing closeness, etc.

Unfortunately, the role-modelling received often reflects family patterns that contain dysfunctional behaviours, which interfere with satisfaction and success in relationships. How conflict is handled in many homes provides us with examples of the types of dysfunctional behaviours frequently modelled for us as children:

• One or both parents raising their voices, interrupting and not listening to the other
• “I am right and you are wrong” types of comments
• Sniping, critical, degrading, sarcastic remarks
• Slamming doors or cupboards or other physical expressions of frustration
• The silent treatment, or punishing the other by withdrawing (including withholding sex)
• Wearing smiles and pretending nothing is wrong
• Building an alliance with a child against the other parent

No matter what type of role-modelling you received, you have a choice to create a new paradigm.

That’s why it’s very important to do an evaluation of your past relationships, not only of ex partners, but of parents, siblings, friends and roles models like teachers and ministers.  You will be amazed at the reoccurring patterns that you will uncover. A lot of your life will start to make sense, if you are really honest with yourself.

Step 4 – Know your Requirements, Needs and Wants.

This step will help you identify the criteria for your ideal relationship based on your Requirements, Needs, and Wants. A compatible life partner will have the same requirements and similar needs (requirements are non-negotiable, while needs can be negotiated).

The test for a requirement is that the relationship will not work for you if it is missing.

Requirements tend to be non-negotiable, and the absence of a single one usually results in a failed relationship.

The Requirements are non-negotiable traits of our ideal relationship – they are NOT traits of a partner. This is an important distinction. In the development of your requirements list, be careful to not include “partner traits” as a requirement.

We cannot compromise on our relationship requirements, because to do so would mean that we will have a foundational or core area of our life that will not be met, and which will ultimately result in relationship failure.

Requirements usually have the following characteristics:

• They are non-negotiable; the relationship would not work for you if it were missing.
• They tend to be black or white, met or not met; usually not much room for gray.
• While black or white, they also tend to be subjective; what matters is if the requirement is met or not met to your standards.
• They tend to have much power; if you are ambivalent, chances are it’s a need.
• They are behavioural events in the relationship, not traits of your partner.

A Need is easily identified when unmet, because of the resulting issue that is experienced. An issue is an unmet need. All relationships experience issues. If issues are addressed successfully, needs will be met, and the relationship will be successful. The primary reason for relationship conflict is a lack of effective methods for resolving issues. While requirements are non-negotiable, and tend to be either met or not, needs can be negotiated, with many possible alternatives.

We have both Functional Needs and Emotional Needs. Functional needs are the routine events that must occur for your life to work in a manner that fits your vision. Emotional needs are the events that must happen in your relationship for you to feel loved.

Wants provide pleasure and enjoyment, are changeable, and become satiated. One want can be substituted for another want, which is not the case with needs. While wants are important for our quality of life, it is a mistake to base a relationship on them and neglect our requirements. Missing a want is solvable. Missing a requirement is unsolvable, usually resulting in a failed relationship.

Step 5 – Discover and develop your Relationship Core Competencies.

As a single, you will also need to identify your core relationship competencies, or skills that you require in order to construct a successful relationship. You are equally accountable (with your future partner) for the success of your ideal relationship.

Once you have identified these core competencies, you will need to assess your level of proficiency and determine whether you need to improve your skill level so that you can prepare for your ideal relationship. You are a work in progress; don’t be discouraged if you are not proficient at these competencies; and understand that most relationship competencies can be improved through training, practice and coaching. What is important is the recognition that this is an opportunity for self-growth and learning. It doesn’t mean you should hold off looking for your life partner!

Step 4 focused on identifying the criteria for your ideal relationship based on your Requirements, Needs, and Wants. Your life partner will have the same requirements and similar needs (requirements are non-negotiable, while needs can be negotiated). Together you will define and co-create your relationship, based on the criteria each of you has established.

As the creators of the relationship, both you and your partner have a responsibility to enrich and deepen that relationship, enabling you to achieve your life vision and the happiness you deserve. You are jointly accountable for its success, health, and longevity.

To review the core relationship competencies and to access your level of proficiency click here.

Step 6 – Create a relationship plan, including how and where to find your soulmate.

1. Developing a Plan and Taking Action

Developing a plan to take you from where you are to where you want to be (the Vision) will help move you into action. Until you take action, your dreams have no chance of being realised. Your Relationship Coach can help move you into action, keep you on track and motivated. That assistance will accelerate the process of you achieving your dreams and goals for a fulfilling love relationship.

You have worked hard to get to this point in the Conscious Dating program and now it is time for you to reap the benefits and begin to see results.

2. The Impact of Accountability

When you are accountable to someone, it increases the likelihood that you will achieve your goal.

Here are some statistics from the American Society of Training and Development that reveal the probability of successfully completing a goal:

• 10% if you hear an idea.
• 25% if you consciously decide to adopt it.
• 40% if you decide when you will do it.
• 50% if you plan how you will do it.
• 65% if you commit to someone else you will do it.
• 95% if you have a specific accountability appointment with the person to whom you committed (like your Relationship Coach).

Isn’t this why coaching works?

Your Conscious Dating Plan is a roadmap that identifies some of the key milestones of your love relationship, beginning with dating and moving towards a committed relationship.

By thinking about these eventualities beforehand, it will help you define your dating boundaries and strategies. Referencing past experiences may also help you identify these boundaries and criteria (i.e., when to become sexual, when to introduce a date to children and family, how much time to spend together, when to become exclusive, etc.).

As a Conscious Dater, you will actively “sort out” dates who do not meet your criteria. By being prepared to “exit” those dating situations when they occur, it will make the process easier and provide you with more confidence.

It is important to find and develop the places and activities in which you can meet potential partners. The more aligned the venue is with who you are and who you are looking for, the higher likelihood of success. We identify at least four levels of attraction venues:

Level One: Public settings (post office, market, etc)

Level Two: Generic singles settings (singles events, personal ads, internet, etc)

Level Three: Special interest activities (ski club, ballroom dancing, etc)

Level Four: Highly aligned communities (church, social activist and spiritual organisations, etc)

Step 7 – Be supportable and create a community.

The Eighth Principle of Conscious Dating is to “Create a support community.” Isolated singles set themselves up for relationship failure. A support community can meet your social and emotional needs while you are single and even help you find your life partner.

If you are single, you most likely want to share your life with someone and not be alone. Because your social environment largely determines how your love relationship will turn out, it makes sense to build your support system now as part of preparing for, finding, and keeping a successful life partnership.

In today’s world, fewer and fewer people choose to live and work in the communities in which they grew up. As our society has changed over time, we seem to have lost the art of community.  Without a built-in support system we must create what we need, but as mobility and the divorce rate increases our fragmentation, many of us grow up without community and don't know we need it.  We increasingly place our social and emotional support needs on our primary relationships. This is more weight than any relationship can carry, and eventually it collapses under the pressure. An isolated relationship, no matter how compatible, cannot meet all of our needs.

Without a built-in community, today's singles must intentionally create their own support system.  While most singles have friends and family, they often do not have a large enough support community, and/or do not allow themselves to be supportable. Building a network of close, mutually beneficial relationships requires time, effort, and intention.

This step will help you be a “successful single” by assessing your current community of relationships.  Then look at how you can improve the quality and quantity of intimacy and connection in your life, whether you are (or will be) with a partner or not.

The easy way to do it

If all of the above seems just too hard, or if you’d like some on-going support as you apply these steps to attracting your soulmate, then we can help.

For just $47 per month you get access to our mentoring program to guide you in detail every step of the way.

Plus you get access to us via email and phone to answer your questions, make suggestions, and point you in the right direction.

To find out more about what the mentoring program covers, please click here.

You owe it to yourself!

If you’ve found yourself here, and have digested all this information we’d be willing to bet that you have a strong commitment to finding your soulmate. You want to have the relationship of your dreams. You absolutely deserve this and our mission is to help people like you to create the soulmate relationship you deserve. So right now, make a commitment to yourself that you will take some action.

Good luck!

While we’re happy to receive email queries, we don't guarantee that we will get back to you immediately. We have an FAQ page with answers to the most common queries, so please check the FAQ page at this site to see if your questions answered there.

Meanwhile, get out there and start attracting your soulmate!

Rick and Jo

 

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